Giving Away Your Gift

Giving Your Gift Away

I was reading Men's Health Magazine not too long ago when I ran across an article title 30 Secrets Women Keep. In the article women say that they would not tell there partner how many men they had slept with. The article goes on to say that even if she did give you a number of men she slept with, odds are she may have been lying to you. If that was not bad enough they go on to say, "Her fib is partly intentional (she doesn't want to appear a floozy), but mostly it's sexual amnesia. When a woman wants to pretend an encounter never occurred, she simply scraps the man from her official score sheet."

Many women try to stay away from this conversation because we live in a society that does have double standards. Let's be honest about this for a second - if a woman has slept with x number of men, people will look at her in a negative light, even other women! . For men however, it is almost accepted that he has "sown his royal oats." When watching a scene in the movie Better Than Sex, the female character admitted to having 27 sexual partners while the male character admitted to sleeping with somewhere between 40 and50 women. Am I the only person that sees something wrong with this picture?

I am not writing about the double standards among our sexual practices. That is beyond old and quite frankly, a stupid argument. I am merely pointing out the gift that we have given away. Most of us who have gotten married did not get married as virgins and though some of us have a conservative number of sexual partners, others will probably put Wilt Chamberlain to shame. This should not be. If you have had sex with one more person than your spouse, you have already given away your gift.

Most of us were raised in the church and taught that we should not have sex before marriage. This was the design of the God. Sex was meant to be enjoyed – it is a beautiful thing. It was meant to be the gift that you gave to your spouse and only your spouse. Now sex is just a thing. It no longer holds any real significance to us because everyone is doing it. Elementary school kids are having sex these days. How crazy is that?!

People think that their sexual past is just that, their sexual past. They believe that you should not worry about their past because it does not involve anyone else, but I disagree. In the movie For Colored Girls, one of the main characters is crying with her husband in a fertility doctor’s office because they cannot have kids. She admits to him for the first time that she contracted an STD from another man in the past, preventing her from conceiving. Many women cannot conceive due to past abortions and husbands have to find this out in the worst of ways. Her past has now become their past.

This isn't just on women. Men are just as guilty. Because of our foolish ways we have spread diseases to many others. On top of that, we run around getting various women pregnant. Before you know it, we have two and three random “baby mommas”. Your past is not just about you- especially not when some of those crazy baby mommas come knocking on your door. Your future wife is not all that accepting when she sees how much child support has to be paid on a monthly basis. She should be the first and only mother of your child.

These things are the outward consequences of past sexual relations. What about the inward things? In a survey from Men's Health Magazine 51 percent of women said that is was natural to fantasize about other men while having sex. Though some men could care a less about what a woman is thinking during sex, I caution you that this is not a good thing. Make no mistake that men are guilty of this also but something that seems so innocent can become a big problem. Are you then comparing your partner to your old sexual partners? Trust me, nothing good can come of this. Before you know it, your past is now staring your present and future directly in the face. Not all men and women are created equally but you get upset because your spouse does not do the things that someone else used to do. We are supposed to come into a marriage with the same amount of sexual experiences, zero. We are supposed to create our own sexual history and not have it blurred by other people.

We spend so much time worrying about fulfilling our sexual urges that we do not think about the future consequences of them. If you asked a man to give up his Rolex watch, he would want to know what he stood to gain from the exchange. If you asked a woman to give up her new Christian Louboutin shoes, she would not give them up without a fight. Yet we give our bodies to just about anybody that smiles at us the right way. How many of us have people that we can't remember in our sexual archives? How many of us have people that we hate in those archives? Sex is supposed to be the closest that you can ever be with someone. You are physically inside of another human being and to us it means nothing. The once great gift that only one person should have the privilege of opening is no longer valued the same way God designed it to be. So to you non-married readers out there I ask you, how long will you continue giving your gift away?