The Exception is Not the Rule

The Exception Is Not The Rule

A few weeks ago my wife and I watched two movies - "No Strings Attached" and "Better Than Sex." The premise of "No Strings Attached" is that the two main characters would begin a sexual relationship that would continue only if they promised to not fall for each other. In "Better Than Sex" the characters decide to have a one night stand and think it will not be that big of a deal because the male character in the story was to leave town for good in three days.

Even if you have never seen these movies in particular, you have probably seen many movies with the same themes. Ultimately the characters begin to develop feelings for each other. They try to deny their feelings but in the end they begin to pursue a relationship and live happily ever after. Unfortunately this is typically not how it works in the real world. Sure some people have gotten together based on one night stands and/or casual sexual encounters but those are definitely the exception to the rule.

We have already established that men and women view things differently. For the most part sex is just sex for the male. Have there been times when a man wanted more than just a casual sexual encounter with a woman, of course. Have there been times when a woman only wanted sex and nothing more, of course. Yet we must realize that these are not the rules, they are the exceptions to the rules.

I cannot tell you how many times a female friends of mine have gotten their feelings hurt trying to play this crazy game. Think of the times when you said to yourself or others that you were a “grown woman” and if you wanted to just have sex, that is what you were going to do. Now think about the times that you said this and ultimately regretted it. It seemed like a good idea at the time because your hormones were raging but when it was all said and done, you felt empty because of it. When asked can a woman be “friends with benefits” Dr. Laura Berman writes in The Book of Love, "It's possible, but there's a catch-22. If a tumble is satisfyingly complete for a woman, her brain becomes flooded with the bonding chemical oxytocin. Most women won't be able to have good sex with you and not become attached."

So many times I have heard women claim that they see sex in a different light than men. They say that sex is more than just the physical and that it is also an emotional bond. So then I ask, how do you think that you can just have casual sex, if you need an emotional bond? Do you think that you can train yourself to get rid of your emotions? Do you think that like these Hollywood movies,one day you will meet the man of your dreams while having meaningless sex with him? How long will you continue claiming one thing, while pursuing the total opposite? Do the rules not apply to you because you are the one exception to them?!